We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
