You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Less talking, more tequila
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
