It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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