I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
