Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
