I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
