so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
