i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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