Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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