How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
