Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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