Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
