If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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