So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
