he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
FUCK WHALES
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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