U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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