So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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