I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
