Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
