Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
we should paint friendship bongs
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
