This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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