so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
