if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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