I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
