I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
