It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
