508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
