dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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