It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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