I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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