fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
