His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
