Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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