who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
