just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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