I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
