Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
