THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
