Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
