Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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