Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
