KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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