it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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