I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
