The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
