Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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