her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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