In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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