i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
