On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
