glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
