remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
