So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I faked an abortion last night.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
